Dave: [to John on the phone] Where are you, heaven?
from John Dies at the End
Another world and I am getting real excited to discover the possibilities of The Professor’s remote. If it truly can take us anywhere then the possibilities are limitless. This new world started out as a pain in the ass, literally. We fell out of the sky, Rambo style, through the canopy of a forest. I hate falling probably more than anything. After a brief check, no one was seriously hurt but Pete’s foot was really bothering him. That knife wound still hadn’t healed and he was still wearing the boots with a hole in them. I felt bad for the guy but as any good friend will do, I made fun of him instead of comforting him.
We hiked a few miles and found a fortified town. After the gate guards tried to intimidate us, they let us in. We headed to Callahan’s. It was a nice place and Pete knew the bartender which was strange yet not unexpected. With dimension crossing, I assume we will run into many old friends, including dead ones. I look forward to the day I run into me. I still wonder if I will be the evil duplicate of the good one. The bar is owned by Mike Callahan, a nice but weird punning sort of fellow. The regulars are welcoming and willing to listen to any visitor’s problems, no matter how strange, and best of all, they don’t seem to think you insane when you mention you are from another world or that you just walked in from the wilderness. It is a pretty cool place to hang out.
I tried the Slider’s trick of running my ATM card through a machine and guess what? It worked. I was able to withdraw a few hundred bucks and that got us seats at the bar with drinks in our hands. I was feeling pretty damned good. Pete and his friend John, whom I will refer to The New Guy or TNG for a while. Two Johns is going to get confusing. Well TNG turned out to be the assistant of Professor Tempus and he had info about the Professor. It strikes me as odd that we have met THE DOCTOR, heard of THE MASTER, talked with THE THIEF, and are looking for THE PROFESSOR. It kind of feels like a 70’s episode of Dr Who. I wonder if any of the other guys have made these connections or is it just me.
We listened to TNG and decided to go and rescue the Professor from a gang of biker pirates called the Coyotes. We borrowed Mike’s van and hit the road. Unfortunately the van only seated 4 so we chose to take John, TNG, Pete, and myself. Twenty miles later we left the main road and turned onto a dirt road. We checked the maps and found an old airport was seven miles ahead and so I hatched a plan to drive four miles and leave the van with two guys while the other two would go ahead on foot and call the van if backup was needed. Did I mention the van had armor and a big ass machine gun?
Me and TNG headed out on foot. We made good time and found the edge of the forest not far from the runway. We saw a Nazi plane land and a Luftwaffe officer walking around. We also spied more than a dozen motorcycles. TNG noticed a bunker and we decided to move in close to it and see if we could take it out silently. TNG was not very experienced with guns but he was all that I had so I had to work with him and make it a success. He seemed ready to do the hard work if needed.
We saw some bikes head out on the road towards John and Pete and I radioed them a warning. Ten minutes later we heard gunfire and explosions. Me and TNG hid in the bushes and waited. Pete called and said John was dead. Something snapped in my brain. I handed the radio to TNG and stood up. Before I knew what was happening I had covered a dozen yards and thrown a Willie Pete into the bunker. I saw the Nazi draw a Luger and take aim at me as I blasted him with a burst. He fell screaming. I continued forward moving fast and shot a few more times at the Nazi, all misses. Some advice: never shoot while on the run. I stopped just as three goons came out of a building and I mowed them down. I heard more and pulled another grenade and let it fly. The smell of burning screaming people gave me a hard on and I charged in. My mistake. The minigun was just starting to spin and I had no where to go. MISFIRE!!! It didnt fire but sparked and smoked and I saw my chance. The guy on the gun ran while some chick and two dudes took aim at me. I could see the sweat running down the face of a big hairy biker but it was the hard blue eyes of the bitch that froze my blood. As they pulled their triggers I fired. The chick went down hard. The other two missed but one of the bullets was so cloce the I felt the shockwave of its path next to my face. I fired again and bullets ripped into the two goons. I heard a motorcycle pulling up outside and turned to kill the next fucker I saw. As I realized the biker was Pete I smiled and then bullets nailed the door frame next to me. I spun, fully expecting the next shot to kill me when TNG blasted the shooter with both barrels of his shotgun. The guy went over in a heap. TNG had just saved my life and I never even knew he had followed me in.
Afterwards things got easier and harder too. We spoke with the last guy and agreed to a truce. He offered up the Professor and a kid in exchange for his life. I gave my word that I wouldn’t shoot him. The next couple of hours a raging storm tore into the airstrip while the Professor pissed me off. I was ready to kill him but the kid being a witness was bothering me and TNG proved outside that he would not murder a man who had no weapon. I realized this when I heard a plane starting up outside. I ran out the door and shot into the engine area of the plane and watched the plane go down and explode. I am not sure if it was my shot into the plane, the storm, or the Nazi’s wounds that caused the crash but I felt good watching that thing go boom.
We eventually made it back to town and the kid, who turned out to be a celebrity gave us the best reward in the world. He told us how to get John back and offered to pay. We had John cloned and are waiting for him to rejoin us. I wonder if he will be the same guy. In the meanwhile the Kid had hooked us up with 5-star accomodations and Pete is even going to appear as an extra or something. I on the other hand am researching the autoduel circuit. I think I will take a stab at it and see if it is as fun as I expect it to be. Pete and the others seem to think that it is crazy but I look at this like running with the bulls. When the chance for adventure comes it is time to take a chance. Who knows, I might even be good at this. Never trade the thrills of living for the security of existence.