Corey Log 20
This is major tom to ground control

After finally making my way back to the group at the castle, I found out that the guys had left off again and girls stayed behind. well i was able to get in contact with them and findout where they were headed. Sam actually gave me Steve ride and said take it …he might need it when you get there.

I was not sure about that since i have not flew this ride before. Well needless to say I got off great and made to the area…then it came to time to land ….and everything went black.

I woke up to be beaten and stripped of all my stuff and was put into a cage hangin from hooks in middle the time square. i tried to mediate to make use of my training. I even felt the pain fading until some children started throwing rocks and peables. Eventually, i was found by guys who were out having a party time….then they left me there.

Sometime later, during the night, the guys came back and cut me down from the hook chains. I wonder about with them for awhile. We were in an enemy camp area within our own tent. We pretent to march amoung them as we gather clothes and weapons for me and others.

We ultimalte find out tha we are surround by mellors and we are in a battle for our lives working our way into the core of them. The plan is to get in and kill the leader and hopefully i can get the item that controls them. With great fighting skills of the others I was able to reach and touch the controller.

There was such pain and demand from it to take over me that i nearly collapse. Instead of giving in I grab pete shoulder as a physical anchor for me in this mind battle to remind that I have loyality to them and I wont betray them.
Finally, i was able to seize controll of mind hive and order all mellors to stop then go home and kill each other. We won the fight.

We head to the flying speedsters and headed out. While in the air, we heard on the comm about incoming attack land to air . I saw every one diving off their vechiles ….i just jump off not realizing i dont have a way to stop. The speederster went off flying ahead and were blown up.

now i am falling.. and singing in my head “major tom”……

Professor’s Log: Ah, Paris

Historically, when Americans don’t know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: ‘What am I going to do now? I’ll go to Paris!’
Craig Ferguson

Here we are in Paris. We’ve mercifully left behind all the chivalry bullshit for a while. We seem to bee in the midst of a steampunk cosplay instead. Now, instead of tournaments, we’re sitting in a meeting hall, listening to scientific papers being presented. I’m back in my element. Plus, it’s fun to see Steve and John squirm in their seats.

There seem to be a couple of interesting theories about what’s causing the Nothing. One is that it’s some sort of Mellor invasion. Maybe, they’re using the force bubble that’s surrounding the Nothing to amass their forces. Someone suggested that it might simply be a malfunction in the Fringe platform, and that it only needs someone to go in and fix it. The fact that no one has ever returned after going inside seems to be quashing the rush of volunteers. Personally, I’m thinking that it has something to do with Dr. Destroyer and the Red Skull. It matches up with some of the things that Destroyer said when we last saw him.

We also learned from the conference attendees that in addition to the Nothing spreading, there’s also a something headed to us. They call it the Matter, and it’s about the size of the moon, and headed toward the planet at several thousand miles per hour.

Just when I was enjoying things, though, the Power Puff Girls showed up and told everyone it was all being caused by the Tempus device. That puts us in a bit of an awkward position, since we can’t access one of the devices. For all I know the damn thing is causing all this from inside my vest. Instead of arguing the point, we decided to say screw it, and deal with the Khan’s army while they debated the point.

Note to self, get driving lessons. Those air cars are harder to fly than they look. I crashed my new one. We managed to all survive, but it drew the attention of some Harkanian patrols. We had a tough time dealing with them, but they were dealt with. I also got to try out the invisibility stone and ring. That was fun. Steve might not have thought so, but I did.

Once we took out the patrols, we found their speeder bikes and decided to fly them the rest of the way. They’re no easier to fly than the air cars, but we made it. Steve even tried showing off by flying under a bridge and managed to find us a way to sneak past the camp guards. He really does have a lucky horseshoe up his ass. Now that we’re in, we just have to figure out how to snatch the harness and get out without getting ourselves killed. I have the feeling we’re going to need Steve’s horseshoe.

Steve's Log 49

“I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.”
― Alan Bradley, The Weed That Strings the Hangman’s Bag

I shot Bruce Sans Pity in the face and again before his body could even fall to the ground. At the same moment Pete plugged him with an arrow that exploded and killed or wounded dozens of people. I have to say that I feel no better for the deed. He has no idea why he was killed. No real vengeance was exacted. It was just a simple murder. I am really bummed out.

As for the rest of Paris, we came here to check out the knightly orders and possibly join one. Instead we sat in on a bunch of boring ass lectures about the Nothing and the Matter. My head hurts. When we got out of there I was glad to be gone but felt a little cheated. I didn’t get the chance to talk to all of the orders. The next time I go to a convention, I am ditching the guys and doing my own thing.

Following the convention we piled into The Professor’s van and headed East. When we realized we need fuel The Professor took us down and crashed into a tree. John suggested setting up an ambush as we were well into the enemy lands. We did so and waited but I got bored so I slipped off and did some fishing. When I heard the call that the enemy was moving in I ran back and laid down some fire into a group fighting the Professor. I could see Pete hiding in the van and shooting out at the men. Explosions where happening all around and a grenade was thrown at me. I caught it and threw it back and then started moving to help Pete. The next thing I know, I am slammed in the back and smashed into the ground. When I rolled over to face my attacker I could see no one but I heard a “Sorry” come from the shadows. It turned out that The Professor was using his invisibility to attack me. He mistook me for one of the enemies. We laughed about it later. After the battle was over we confiscated some of the hoversteeds and flew towards the enemy camp. I saw an opening under a bridge and barn stormed the thing. The guys followed and we landed on the other side amongst the enemy. Who knows if we will survive this foolish plan but whatever happens, the next few hours will be interesting.

John's Log 47
Arthurian 10

The amount of good luck coming your way depends on your willingness to act.
Barbara Sher

I’m a bit ticked off. King Arthur offered to speak on our behalf with regard to joining a Knightly Order if we were interested – something I’ve never had an interest in, which I have never tried to hide. The rest of the guys seemed to be interested in it, and since the Orders were meeting for a convention in Paris a week later, I agreed to postpone dealing with the dragon, Calypso, so that no one would miss the opportunity to speak with the Order they were most interested in joining. But when we got to Paris, no one spoke to any Order or made any attempt to join with one. Well, as I said, I’m a bit ticked off.

I’m also ready to leave this world. During the last tournament I nearly lost Jasmine. She had taken part in the Grand Melee due in large part to my request. The opening salvo from the enemy nearly killed her, and it woke me out of this haze I’ve been walking around in. You see, this world seems to be Arthurian in nature – and it is to a large degree – but it’s also as cutthroat a society as that found back in Cyberworld. Even though everyone walks around speaking of chivalry and honor, it honestly seems to be our group that only acts in that manner (well, for the most part anyway). What I’m saying is, I think the beer goggles are finally off and I’m seeing things for what they are, and I’m ready to get back to drifting around the multiverse dealing with situations more in line with what we’re used to.

Otherwise, things are going as reasonably good as we could hope for. The trip to Paris was uneventful – and even though we were ‘asked’ to take a firearm safety course when we arrived, we quickly saw through that ruse when they attempted to get us to take some sort of injection on the first day to ‘help’ with the learning process – yeah, right. So we left and decided to do without our guns while we’re in the city (again – yeah, right). We had a nice meal, had a fun night on the town, and then went to the Order Convention. I already covered that, but we did finally find out what the ‘matter’ is (the reported who constantly showed up to ask John what he thought of it never explained, and our resident research expert never bothered to find out himself); it’s some sort of gravitational anomaly coming at the Earth out of the ‘Arachnid Zone’. It’s already taken out a spaceship and its crew, and is on a direct course to impact the planet. Like Pete said, this world can’t catch a break. My theory is that the Nothing and the Matter are inter-related, and hopefully by dealing with one we’ll cancel the threat of the other. If not, I’m still outta here – let someone else be a hero for once.

We’ve also made contact with the Khan’s army. The plan was simple enough; head out of the city until we ran across one of their scouting parties or pickets. Once that was done, either deal with them to gain access, or ambush them to achieve the same end. Finding them was easy – we forgot to refuel the air-van we were flying, so we were running out of fuel in short order. John was flying and tried to set it down in one piece – I personally had had enough crashing in this world and bailed out before we got too low, but the others didn’t and suffered for it. You know, at some point we all oughta take a class in flying these vehicles – it ain’t like dustin’ crops back in Crimson Skies, that’s for sure. Anyway, the crash brought a scouting party to check things out – actually three of ‘em I’d say. Guess which option we chose? Yep, the ambush. It actually went off pretty well – we took down sixteen of them while only suffering some superficial wounds of our own. That is, until John tried to work on Pete with his wand – that’s when Pete got all ate up. And people wonder why I won’t let John work on me with that thing! Luckily we found a Tehrmelern med-kit on the scouts bikes – I managed to get Pete back into fighting shape, but it used whatever reserves the kit had left to do it, so we won’t be using that thing again.

We’ve since used the speeder bikes the scouts had left behind to gain entry to the Khan’s army’s camp. The place his huge, but that should work to our favor – strange faces shouldn’t stand out so much, so as long as we can keep our ruse up, we should be able to find the Harness and then figure out our escape. Fingers crossed.

Professor’s Log: Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

Coroner: [singing] As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her, and she’s not only merely dead, she’s really most sincerely dead.
Wizard of Oz

Well finding the Raven Witch turned out to be a lot easier than any of us expected. Once we finished looting Balor’s castle, we headed south again. Out of curiosity, we swung by the site of the Death Klock concert and it turned out that they were having a tournament. More precisely, the Raven Witch was hosting a tournament and the whet stone that we were seeking was the grand prize. How convenient.

While we were waiting to sign up for the events, we heard a scream, and turned to see Sam being lifted by something or somebody we couldn’t see. Before we could do anything, her heart exploded out of her chest and her body was cast aside. Steve saw it all, and went to Sam as fast as he could. Matilda screamed the name Bruce, like she knew who the attacker was. John and I went after him. He was invisible, but John seemed to be able to see him somehow.

We didn’t manage to catch him, and eventually we gave up and headed back to Sam. When we got back to her, Steve was bent over her, trying to do what he could, but it was clear that this was beyond his medical skills. John and I grabbed Sam’s body and got her to the healing tent as quickly as we could. They immediately put her into some sort of stasis chamber, and set about bringing her back to life. I think I speak for all of us when I say that when we catch this Bruce fucker, and we will, he’s a dead man.

This tournament was, shall we say, much less formal than the others we had been to. Instead of the formal events leading up to a grand melee, this was sort of one big, six day, no holds barred, free for all brawl. Just our kind of fight. We took the side of Arthur this time around. The Witch, along with our buddy Thor, was on the side of the North. The fighting was intense. I think there were as many casualties among the spectators as among the actual combatants. At one point, the forces on our side stormed into the crowd after snipers in the stands. We followed, and once up above the fray proper, we spotted the Witch.

In hindsight, we should have stuck together and concentrated our forces into a single attack on her, but in the heat of battle, we got separated. John went straight for the Witch, while Steve and I went to capture her standard. Meanwhile, Corey mounted an assault on her supply train. I suspect he thought that’s where the most treasure was.

John made remarkably fast work of the Witch and her champion. When Steve and I reached the standard, we realized that it was being guarded by Thor and the Warriors Three, along with Lady Sif. We’re friends and all, but this was a battle and we had a job to do, so we attacked. I certainly wasn’t going to be a match against Thor in a stand up fight, but then I’m not a stand up fight kind of guy. As soon as I got close enough to the standard, I strobed the lot of them, and screamed at full volume for good measure. That stunned them, and Steve took advantage. He rushed in, and with a single blow took Thor’s head off.

OK, that might seem a bit extreme, but that’s the kind of shit that happens in battle. Lady Sif and Hogan were still deafened and half blind, but that didn’t stop them from trying to avenger their friend by attacking Steve. Fandral came after me. It was more or less a standoff. They were on offense and Steve and I were on defense, but neither side could seem to get the advantage. Eventually Sif must have realized that this was taking too long and they didn’t have much time to get Thor’s head and body back to the medics if they were going to have any hope of reconnecting the two. They broke off the attack, grabbed up their fallen friend and fled. Steve and I had no hard will towards them, so we let them go.

By the time we had recovered the standard; John had taken out the Witch and was going to Corey’s aid. Together they took the supply train. I’m not sure if it was something they did or not, but everybody from the train seemed to be engaged in a little impromptu orgy. With the Witch dead, the standard captured and the enemy in general disarray, the fight was pretty much over. I searched the Witch’s body and found the whet stone we were after.

After the battle, we checked on Sam and received word that King Arthur wanted to see us when we returned to London. Given all that had happened, that could have been either very bad or very good. We weren’t sure which, but one doesn’t refuse an invitation from the King.

As it turned out, when we got back to London and had our audience with Arthur, he simply wanted to congratulate us on our victories. He said he was impressed, and offered to put in a good word for us if we chose to join one of the knightly orders when they met in Paris next week. That was quite an honor. I was worried that he was going to turn the lot of us over to Judge Valentino, but I got the impression that there was little love lost between Arthur and the Judge.

Now that we have two of the three items that we’re after and have a line on the third, maybe we can lay off of the tournaments for a while and finish what we came to this world to do, stop the spreading Nothing.

Steve's Log 48

“The ecstasy of wrath is not enough for vengeance!”

We looted Castle Doom and then headed back to the North where we returned to the DeathKlok concert arena. A huge after party was underway and the Raven Witch was hosting a tourney. We got rooms and signed up for events. Well I should say we signed up for the only event. A seven day grand melee. We took Matilda to the infirmary and a few hours later picked her up. She was healed of all injuries suffered by the death blast Balor gave her. She was in good spirits as we all were but then Sam’s chest exploded. I thought, “ALIEN!!!” but before I could react, she was bouncing down the hall leaving a trail of blood. We gave chase and watched as her body flew threw the air and bounced off of a wall. At some point I heard Matilda screaming, “Bruce!!! I will kill you!!!!” I ran for Sam’s body and was in a frantic state. John and the Professor shoved me aside and carried her to the infirmary. After we got her into a stasis chamber, they told me that Bruce Sans Pity was the attacker and that he was invisible. I remembered my Malory and the hate and anger in my heart grew by the moment. If ever I should find him, he shall pray for death.

The next day we entered the first round of the recreation of the Battle of Badon Hill. We lined up with Sir Kay and many other knights from Breton. Under Kays orders we entered the fray. We were outnumbered seven to one and Kay proved he was not the greatest of leaders. We were at a disadvantage from the start and it never got better. I commanded my platoon up into the stands where we fought not only the enemy but the patrons paying to see the event. We climbed and battled our way towards the enemy standard. At one point I saw the Witch herself. I ordered a charge but The Professor grabbed my arm and pointed at the Standard which was guarded by Thor and the Warriors Three. I looked to the men and it appeared that they were following John. I let him take the fight to the witch and I broke ranks to follow The Professor. As we came upon them, The Professor proved to be their undoing. He was a distraction and as Thor raised his hammer to strike The Prof down, I severed Thor’s head. Sif was upon me before I even knew who was hitting me. Her ferocity was great but my shield withstood every blow. I tried as best as I could to return a hit but she pummeled me again and again for what seemed like hours. As she pounced upon me I was also attacked by Hogan with his mace. He too pounded me but my shield moved like the wind and acted as a wall against each blow. Realizing that time was running out, they broke and grabbed up Thor’s body to carry him to a medic. The PRofessor had been facing off with Fandril but he too conceded defeat and fled the field with Sif and Hogan. We grabbed the standard and I turned to see John cutting the head off of the Raven Witch. I ordered the men to take the baggage train but Corey was already there, fighting four or five knights by himself. The men stormed the baggage train and the battle was over. We had won.

Rather than stick around we grabbed our loot and got out of the North as fast as able. In London we met with King Arthur and made our plans to move onto Paris. We went and bought language shots for French and did some shopping for other supplies. Our next stop will be the Knightly Orders Convention. I wonder if we will join one or simply blow them off.

John's Log 46
Arthurian 9

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

The Raven Witch is dead. On our way back to Heorot, we’d heard that the concert grounds for Deathklok were being used for a new tournament being hosted by the Witch. We of course decided to attend, as we had to eventually encounter and defeat her in order to gain the second of Merlin’s treasures, the Whetstone.

This tournament was larger than any other we’ve attended so far – well over a million people were still hanging around since the concert, and many more were still coming to take part. It was also different in the way it was organized – instead of a variety of events being available, this one was to be just one Grand Melee, lasting seven days in all. The two sides being represented were the North, represented by the Witch, and King Arthur, represented by Sir Kay. As the North was the host, we decided to join the King’s side – fighting against the host has become one of the Brotherhood’s traditions. Luckily, in this case, that also meant we’d get a chance to face our next target on the field of battle, and perhaps manage to gain the treasure we were seeking with as little fuss as possible.

Jasmine actually decided to join us on the field for this battle – a decision I will never ask her to repeat. Steve was calling the shots for us while I was carrying our standard. Almost immediately things went wrong; an orbital strike hit close by, blinding and deafening me even as our side sounded a charge. I lost track of everything and was dazed by a blow to the head I never saw coming. By the time I regained my senses, I was captured and being led off the field by the enemy – I couldn’t tell you what had happened to Jazz, or anyone else for that matter. Iron John came to my rescue though, and managed to fight off my captor and his two shield maidens. Then he freed me and the Brotherhood went back to work.

We charged and charged again, striking through the enemy’s lines. At one point the spectators in the stands started firing into our lines – as well as the enemy’s – wreaking havoc among our soldiers. Then, our forces were dividing into two columns – one was pushing deeper into the field, forcing the enemy back. The other speared into the stands, toward the enemy leadership which included the Witch. We struck for the stands, determined to reach our goal.

And we did. As I cut my way higher and higher, I eventually caught sight of the Witch and her retinue. Even as I charged I was aware of the Brotherhood at my side – Iron John and Steve headed directly for their standard, guarded by none other than Thor and the Warriors Three. Corey attacked the baggage train, where I assume he thought the Whetstone would be found. I decided to strike for the Witch herself, and found she was guarded by her champion, a hulking brute. As I yelled my battle cry and charged forward, I caught site of Jasmine on one of the viewscreens spread around the stadium – she was being dragged from the field by a Northman, unconscious. At that sight, something inside me snapped and soon I was fighting as a man possessed, thinking of nothing other than rescuing my mate. The champion stood between me and the Witch, and that proved to be his undoing. His presence barely registered on me – at first he was there, and then my sword struck his head from his shoulder. The Witch launched an attack of sorts at me – the bolt from her wand struck me full in the chest, though to no effect I was aware of. In the next instant my sword cleaved through her neck and my fight was over.

Looking around I could see Iron John and Steve were doing well, and they had nearly captured the enemy standard. Corey, on the other hand, was fighting alone against four enemy warriors. Even though all of my thoughts were with Jasmine, I couldn’t leave Corey to die alone so I ran to aid him. Sometimes I really don’t understand my companions. Take Corey in this battle for instance – he’d been training in the use of a bat’leth for quite some time, and yet there he was using clubs against his armored foes. Unsurprisingly, he’d been having a hard time putting them down. Between the two of us, however, we made quick work of the veteran soldier among the enemy and chased off the other three. By that time the Grand Melee was over, and the King’s side stood victorious. I was unaware of this, though – my immediate concern was to find Jasmine, hopeless as it would be among such a large crowd. I searched through the crowd desperately until I saw the man who had Jasmine captive. He threw her to the ground in front of me, telling me to take her from the field and to keep her from it.

Afterwards, we were met by Sir Kay and congratulated on our part of the victory. He also told us that King Arthur himself had requested our presence in London. We quickly gathered our things and headed south in order to keep that appointment as soon as we could. The King was thankful for our aid in his side’s win, and offered to put a good word in for us should we choose to join one of the Knightly Orders in this world – most of us chose one (the Explorer’s was mine), but we’ll see where that’ll lead. The Orders are having some sort of meeting in Paris in a week. Since Merlin’s last treasure – the Halter – is supposed to be among the Khan’s army somewhere to the east of Paris, killing Calypso will have to wait until after we’ve made that trip and hopefully succeeded at gaining the final treasure.

Professor’s Log: Death is in the Eye of the Beholder

“Why are we doing this?" Caine asked him. "You know damned well why we’re doing this. Because it’s a fight. It may be THE fight. I may be the final fight. And what else are we good at, you and me? What are we going to do if we ever get out there anyway?”
― Michael Grant, Light

I have been to some awesome concerts, Peter Tosh, Tina Turner, Michael Hedges, Frank Zappa, but nothing compares to the Death Klock show we just saw. It was kind of like the ultimate expression of bread and circuses, if circuses had orbital strikes and you laced all the bread with meth amphetamines and LSD. 7 million people, 170 decibels, oceans of alcohol and various intoxicants, nanopyrotechnics and over 10,000 casualties. Who could ask for anything more? The fall of Saigon would seem boring by comparison. It was kind of downhill from there, but it would tough not to be. There’s an evil part of me that’s kind of amused that the two members of our party who most wanted to see it, Pete and Jack, weren’t there, but sometimes you just have to let the evil parts have a little giggle. Oh well.

Anyway, once we were mostly recovered, we continued our journey North. We made it to the Northlands, saw a couple of fjords and found Raven in the Hall of Hrothgar in the city of Heurot. He was easier to deal with than I had thought he’d be. He was more than willing to loan us his spear. All we had to do in exchange was kill Balor. Since we were kind of planning to do that anyway, it worked out well. One thing we did find out from him though is that the three Powerpuff girls we fought back in Night City put out a warrant for us. I think Raven was looking for an excuse not to turn us over, and luckily, we gave him one.

The only bad thing that happened to us while we were in Heurot is that somebody broke into our room and stole all of the fringe crystals that King Mark had given us. Shortly before that happened, Loki tried to buy them from us. Based on that, Steve thinks that Loki took them. John may or may not be joking when he says that he thinks Steve took them. We can’t count out Christina or Smiley either. It’s a mystery.

After that, we continued north to confront Balor. Once we crossed the sea, it seemed like the entire land was nothing but refugees fleeing the carnage as far as the eye could see. They were pathetic wretches, but the best thing we could do for them was rid their land of Balor. With that in mind, we headed straight toward his stronghold. Unfortunately, at the same time, one of his missiles was headed straight toward us. One minute we’re cruising along at high speed, and the next we’re a burning ball of death headed toward the ground. It’s a miracle that we weren’t all killed.

With our transport out of commission, we had to finish the trip on foot. Remind me to pack lighter next time. I had to jettison some nice stuff in order to get down to a manageable load. When I say manageable, I mean barely manageable. Everybody else was pretty much in the same spot. After two grueling days of crossing the frozen waste, we saw his castle in the distance. I shit you not. The entire thing was shaped like a giant skull. It was at the top of a mountain, and we lost one of our men-at-arms on the climb up, but eventually we made it.

Once there, we left two of the men-at-arms to guard our stuff and headed in. As we approached the mouth that served as a front gate, we heard a horn, but nothing seemed to happen. We continued on, and that’s when Balor’s horde attacked us. Now this whole time, we had been dealing with swords, shields and various and sundry other anachronistic crap. The guys attacking us weren’t so old school. They came at us with assault rifles and flame throwers. Fortunately, when we were at the concert, we found some sound grenades. When you threw them they exploded and then blasted Death Klock at almost lethal decibel levels. We got a few just for laughs, but they really came in handy in that fight.

We used them to tear through the minions and they took the hint and scattered. That’s when the Big Man himself made an appearance. Balor was up above the gate in a room shaped like one of the skull’s teeth. From up there, he started blasting us with his eye beams. I don’t know what they were, but I do know that one of the men-at-arms who got hit, basically disintegrated. Matilda took a glancing shot and survived, but just barely.

Deciding to take the fight to Balor, John took up his spear and used his gravity levelers to run up one of the walls toward our opponent. I did the same on the opposite wall. We got close enough to toss our spears at him, but neither one took him out. While we did that, Steve was rigging what was left of his C-4 into a charge. He tossed it up into Balor’s room just as John and I got to the top of the wall. If we’d been half a second faster, we’d have been blown to bits.

Balor took the brunt of the blast, and the rest took out the floor of the room he was in. He fell about 30 meters to the ground. John launched himself after Balor. I did the same. Of course I was smart enough to use my falling cloud, so I came down slowly. John didn’t. He came down hard on top of Balor. Even after the blast, it took John and Steve both to take him out. They chopped his head off, and that’s when we learned that he was some sort of android. Either the droid was running things, or the real Balor is still around somewhere. That’s not a comforting thought.

What was left of the minions took off when their boss died. We of course then searched the castle. We found the stone we were looking for. It’s a heavy son of a bitch, shaped like the letter “T”. When you balance my ring on top of it, it makes the user invisible. That has all sorts of possibilities. We searched the rest of the castle and found a few more interesting things. The skull shaped castle with the mouth for a front gate, I could see, but the upstairs rooms shaped like nasal sinuses were just creepy. I did, however, find a pouch in one of them that had some fringe crystals in it, not as many as we lost in the theft, but at least it’s something. Now all we have to do is find the witch who has the whetstone we’re looking for and then tackle Khan’s army to get the halter.

John's Log 45
Arthurian 8

The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.
Thomas Paine

The North, like the rest of this world, surprised me. For whatever reason the Arthurian theme that ties this world together keeps coming to the front of my expectations, so that whenever we reach someplace new the fact that it’s a high-tech city filled with neon and the sound of rock music just kinda punches me in the face.

The Raven’s home is called the Hall of Hrothgar, and is located in the City of Heorot. Therefore, anyone that’s read the classics understands why I had immediate concerns. Luckily, none of those came to pass. Instead we were greeted with open arms and treated as honored guests. There were a few jokes played upon us as the ‘visiting southerners’, but nothing malicious. By the time we got to meet the Raven – otherwise known as Odin, Thor’s father – we had settled in and were having a great time. Odin was easy to talk to, and was willing to freely give me his spear so long as I agreed to kill Balor – which of course I immediately did.

A couple of days later we were headed farther north to Balor’s lands. We still had King Lot’s men-at-arms with us, so we felt reasonably certain in our quest. That overconfidence of ours really needs to be addressed someday… That notwithstanding, along our way we discovered we’d be passing close by the mega-concert being thrown by the band Deathklok. Since it was being billed as the largest concert ever given – 30 million seats to be precise – we figured there’d be no harm in taking a look. Best choice ever! That concert was one of the greatest shows I’ve ever seen! It was like listening to the great Norse skalds sing about the greatest Norse legends, only these songs were performed at high speed at deafening sound levels, and all the while masses of people fought and died all around us! Consider me a fan! Deathklok RULES!

It was such a letdown when the concert ended, but we had things to do, places to go, people to kill… you know how it is. As soon as we hit Balor’s lands we started blasting Deathklok over our sound system like the air cavalry did over the jungles of Vietnam. I don’t know if it had the effect we were hoping for, but it did seem to give our location just fine to the enemy’s missile. I never even saw it coming – I was talking to Steve one moment and turned to say something to Jasmine, and then the next moment I was deafened by a loud sound and then slammed into the roof of the bus. I don’t know how Steve did it but he managed to put us on the ground in mostly one piece – dude’s got a horseshoe up his ass when it comes to crashing is all I can figure.

So we had to hoof it. The first day was rough going – I had brought a lot of gear ‘cause I’d figured on leaving most of it the bus. Instead, I had to haul it across the arctic terrain of this land; at least I wasn’t the only one to make that goof-up. Plus, as we made camp that first night it occurred to me that I had a set of cloud skis with me, so we managed to rig a sled for the next day that could hold the gear while a group of us pulled it. That made the going a little easier.

Mount Doom was quite a sight – about eight miles high and shaped like a skull, the whole thing just screamed a super villain lives here… you gotta give Balor this, he didn’t have any problem with his self-esteem. A crevasse laid between the mountain and us, so we left two of the men with the gear and made our way across a convenient three-rope bridge. I had my gravity leveler on so I felt safe, and I led Jasmine over hand in hand. When we all reached the other side, we started in. Horns sounded and we paused… and nothing happened. So we continued on.

That’s when Balor’s forces struck. Screaming out of the darkness beyond the gates, his forces came – armed with flamethrowers and machineguns. Remember that overconfident remark I made earlier? This is what I was referring to. That and the whole culture-shock thing, about this being a modern world and not a medieval one – ‘cause of course I was expecting a melee and not being on the wrong end of a turkey shoot. Luckily, at the concert we’d bought sound-grenades – one of which I immediately made use of. It exploded in a symphony of Deathklok’s music, as well as throwing its shrapnel through the enemy’s line. What followed next was glorious battle. We were like a force possessed as we heard Deathklok spurring us on, charging the enemy even as our grenades shattered their flamethrowers and spread mayhem and destruction. (Also, the girls, not being as wrapped up in the Arthurian romance of this world, had brought guns and were using them to great effect as we closed with the enemy).

We slew our enemies left and right, and eventually Balor himself decided to make his appearance. As told in the Celtic legends, where Balor looked, death followed. We lost two men before I could get close enough to see him clearly – I hefted Odin’s spear and started running up the wall thanks to my gravity leveler. Across the hall I could see Iron John doing the same up the opposite wall, armed as well with a spear. I threw as soon as I could, aiming for the red ‘cylon’ eye in his face – the spear flew true but Balor spun his head at the last instant. Though I caught him in the eye, it was to no avail and his death beam continued to wreak havoc below. I think John had thrown as well but I didn’t see the effect of his attack. Then I had drawn my sword and continued to charge, only to have the enemy disappear as an explosion engulfed where he’d been standing.

Then I saw him on the floor of the cavern below. I leapt down upon him, skewering him with my sword yet he was able to regain his feet. Iron John was following, yet at a slower pace due to the falling cloud he’d deployed. Still, he showered attack after attack upon the One-Eyed One, using a wand of some sort. I slashed and slashed again, slowly injuring the enemy. Then Steve was at my side, and the two of us managed to bring Balor to his knees again. Between the two of us, we managed to finally strike the head from its shoulders – a prize to bring back to Odin, to mount on the walls of his hall.

It was after the fight that we were able to ascertain that Balor was in fact a robot, armed with some sort of energy weapon. Miraculously, only two of the men who’d come with us had been killed, though all of us bore injuries to varying extent. Mathilda had taken the worst of them; she had been struck with Balor’s beam, but somehow had survived. We’ve gained the Stone and reunited it with John’s Ring, and thereby have gained the first of the three treasures we need to find in order to make right the Nothing. We still need to find the Raven Witch and the Whetstone somewhere in the North, and then it’ll be off to France to find whatever’s left of Khan’s army and the Harness.

Steve's Log 47

Senator Stampingston: As you can see, Dethklok is no laughing matter. They’re the world’s greatest cultural force. A short time since the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle Batsfjord Massacre Fest, every other coffee company has been obliterated. Completely blown out of the water.
General Crozier: Freaks.
Senator Stampingston: These freaks as you call them are currently worth billions. Gentlemen: Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree; Toki Wartooth, not a bumble bee; William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface; Pickles, the drummer – doodily-doo, ding-dong doodily, doodily doo; Nathan Explosion. I’m afraid that’s all we know, gentlemen.


This world continues to surprise me. We headed to the North with Thor and discovered the city of Herod and stayed in Hrothgar’s Hall. I kept expecting to be attacked by the Grendel but it never happened. The place was fun and soon enough we had made a deal with The Raven for his spear. We departed Herod to seek out The Evil Eye and get the second item needed to complete Merlin’s quest.

En-route we realized we were flying close to the mega concert being put on by the super band DeathKlok. We decided to check it out. The concert was an engineering marvel that I could never have imagined had I not seen it. They dropped ten thousand nanite bombs and over the course of seven days the nanites dug out and built a grand hall seven miles long and 1 mile wide and nearly two miles high. Over seven million people were in attendance inside the mega-structure and another thirty million camped on the outside. Our tickets cost us well in excess of what most people ever make on this planet. The band had all sorts of strange entertainment including public executions, comedians, and light shows that were so intense that they caused epileptics to have fits and seizures. When we finally saw the band, they looked like a bunch of throwbacks to the 1970’s big hair bands. The music was in Norwegian and was hard and fast and brutal. I have never been a big music guy and Death Metal has always been one of those things I can listen to but I never seek out. After hearing these guys I was so pumped up that I wanted to buy every album they ever produced. The music triggered some kind of euphoria in me that was not unlike a good hit of opium. I was in love with them and cannot explain why. The best part was when some dude got his fingers chopped off and the drummer picked them up and rolled them up and smoked them. I couldn’t believe my fraking eyes. Then some chick got her eye ripped out and she was forced to eat it. Oh yeah, did I mention they spiked the food with small pox, the plague, and anthrax. I was glad we didn’t eat the free stuff.

Following the concert we bought all kinds of goodies and then hit the skies. When we made the land of Balor we got shot down. I managed to control the bus enough that we didn’t die in a fiery wreck but it was close. We gathered our gear and headed into the the mountains and soon enough we found Mt Doom. The megalomaniac had the entire mountain carved into the shape of a seven mile high skull. We worked our way to the gates and then the battle began. Dozens of men died in the initial waves of attack and soon we saw the evil eye himself as he gazed upon the field and our men started dying. His gaze fell upon Matilda but she dove into a ditch and though she was hurt badly she did not perish. I roared with anger and threw my bag to the ground. After a few moments I managed to piece together two kilos of c-4 studded with nails and I threw them like a football at the evil eye. It hit him in the forehead and exploded. The balcony that he was standing on fell to the ground and it was then that I saw the two Johns had used gravity levelers to climb within reach of striking. The Professor pulled out a wand and threw bolts of energy at the evil eye while John leaped upon him with a sword and proceeded to pound him to the ground. I charged and planted my ax into the bastard’s neck as John stuck him in the gut. His head came mostly off and I chopped again ending the battle. The army that supported the evil eye fled and we had taken the mountain.


I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.