Senator Stampingston: As you can see, Dethklok is no laughing matter. They’re the world’s greatest cultural force. A short time since the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle Batsfjord Massacre Fest, every other coffee company has been obliterated. Completely blown out of the water.
General Crozier: Freaks.
Senator Stampingston: These freaks as you call them are currently worth billions. Gentlemen: Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree; Toki Wartooth, not a bumble bee; William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface; Pickles, the drummer – doodily-doo, ding-dong doodily, doodily doo; Nathan Explosion. I’m afraid that’s all we know, gentlemen.
This world continues to surprise me. We headed to the North with Thor and discovered the city of Herod and stayed in Hrothgar’s Hall. I kept expecting to be attacked by the Grendel but it never happened. The place was fun and soon enough we had made a deal with The Raven for his spear. We departed Herod to seek out The Evil Eye and get the second item needed to complete Merlin’s quest.
En-route we realized we were flying close to the mega concert being put on by the super band DeathKlok. We decided to check it out. The concert was an engineering marvel that I could never have imagined had I not seen it. They dropped ten thousand nanite bombs and over the course of seven days the nanites dug out and built a grand hall seven miles long and 1 mile wide and nearly two miles high. Over seven million people were in attendance inside the mega-structure and another thirty million camped on the outside. Our tickets cost us well in excess of what most people ever make on this planet. The band had all sorts of strange entertainment including public executions, comedians, and light shows that were so intense that they caused epileptics to have fits and seizures. When we finally saw the band, they looked like a bunch of throwbacks to the 1970’s big hair bands. The music was in Norwegian and was hard and fast and brutal. I have never been a big music guy and Death Metal has always been one of those things I can listen to but I never seek out. After hearing these guys I was so pumped up that I wanted to buy every album they ever produced. The music triggered some kind of euphoria in me that was not unlike a good hit of opium. I was in love with them and cannot explain why. The best part was when some dude got his fingers chopped off and the drummer picked them up and rolled them up and smoked them. I couldn’t believe my fraking eyes. Then some chick got her eye ripped out and she was forced to eat it. Oh yeah, did I mention they spiked the food with small pox, the plague, and anthrax. I was glad we didn’t eat the free stuff.
Following the concert we bought all kinds of goodies and then hit the skies. When we made the land of Balor we got shot down. I managed to control the bus enough that we didn’t die in a fiery wreck but it was close. We gathered our gear and headed into the the mountains and soon enough we found Mt Doom. The megalomaniac had the entire mountain carved into the shape of a seven mile high skull. We worked our way to the gates and then the battle began. Dozens of men died in the initial waves of attack and soon we saw the evil eye himself as he gazed upon the field and our men started dying. His gaze fell upon Matilda but she dove into a ditch and though she was hurt badly she did not perish. I roared with anger and threw my bag to the ground. After a few moments I managed to piece together two kilos of c-4 studded with nails and I threw them like a football at the evil eye. It hit him in the forehead and exploded. The balcony that he was standing on fell to the ground and it was then that I saw the two Johns had used gravity levelers to climb within reach of striking. The Professor pulled out a wand and threw bolts of energy at the evil eye while John leaped upon him with a sword and proceeded to pound him to the ground. I charged and planted my ax into the bastard’s neck as John stuck him in the gut. His head came mostly off and I chopped again ending the battle. The army that supported the evil eye fled and we had taken the mountain.